Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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