The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
