I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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