Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize