Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
