bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
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We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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