How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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