So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
