Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
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