Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
