I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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