Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
