I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
