hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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