Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
