I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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