I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
