that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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