I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
