Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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