i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
