I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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