just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
