So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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