id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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