why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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