david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Randomize
