Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
