fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
