I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
