if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just googled if crying burns calories
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
