i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
