Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
