Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
