youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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