Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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