1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
