My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
