I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
