Sry I called you an 8
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
