so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
