A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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