You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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