I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
