Please, let me fuck your mom
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
