i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
