Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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