you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
