he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
