ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
