My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
