Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
