If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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