just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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