capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
