i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
