Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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