Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
