NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
