he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
