there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm just crazy horny about you
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
