After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
