Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she woke up with a sticky ear
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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