We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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