using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
dude. I can hear the air.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
