Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
