literally had 100 drinks last night.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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