So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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