i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
