return my video game
I hate all girls vehemently.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
