Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Still dying that you shit outside
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
