No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
