apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
