A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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